“Have you any tinned mackerel?” I ask the lady in Tescos who is in the process of stocking the shelves.

“I’m not sure. Oh yes, I see them here. How many do you want?”

“Two, please,” I say, and she proceeds to take two tins out of the box.

“No, I meant two boxes,” I say.

“JESUS CHRIST!” she utters in a biblical tone.
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