Local Solicitor Sleeps “Very Well” in Expensive Bed Bought from Clients’ Pain and Suffering

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“I care about my clients,” she said, while sipping from a €200-a-glass flute of Salon Blanc de Blancs Le Mesnil-sur-Oger(a VERY fancy Champagne), “and that is why it’s important for me to have the best night’s sleep I can get. The best way to serve my clients is to make sure my life outside work is a relative utopia.”

The solicitor, who cannot be named for legal reasons (the COW doesn’t want to be sued, what with the price of grass these days!) said, on the subject of her €2,000,000 yacht which bobs around idle in the docks most of the year, “I don’t use the boat much, what with the weather in this country, but it’s comforting to know that I have it for the occasional excursion into the bay.” Continue reading “Local Solicitor Sleeps “Very Well” in Expensive Bed Bought from Clients’ Pain and Suffering”

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Public Alert: Racist Perverts Overheard in City Centre Pub?

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Members of the public are advised to be on red alert this evening as a member of the public has contacted us here at the Galway COW in relation to a bunch of potential racist perverts he overheard meticulously planning what sounded like a highly organised activity.

The group, we have been told, were talking in detail about “flashing” and complaining that the “white balance” and “contrast” wasn’t right and that they planned “to work on that” so as to “improve things”. This, the public member told us, sounded very distressing. Continue reading “Public Alert: Racist Perverts Overheard in City Centre Pub?”

My Pieta House Failure

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Zombie-like, at 3AM this morning, I got under an ice-cold shower to wake myself up so as to photograph Pieta House’s darkness into light walk/run. Pieta House, for anyone who may not know, is an organisation for raising awareness about suicide and helping people to steer a path out of their own personal darkness into a world where reality seems brighter and more joyful. Continue reading “My Pieta House Failure”

Limerick Through A Lens

Frazzled from not sleeping and bursting for a leak, I arrive at my city centre B+B to a pleasant woman who greets me in a lyrical accent such that makes me think the city could have no better name.

I’m here to capture the city on camera by photographing the marathons, the Riverfest,  and the night life. As it stands I’ve missed the start of the marathon and the start of the half-marathon. I hastily organise my camera and bag, punch O’Connell Street into Google maps, and look in horror at the estimation of it being 37 minutes walk to get there. It’s currently 1.50 so I estimate that I have about 15 minutes to get to the finish line to capture the half-marathon winners. Continue reading “Limerick Through A Lens”

Liam Neeson has a Profound Impact on Limerick Locals

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“I will find you, boy, and you’ll be in trouble then,” said a Limerick bloke who suspected I may have taken his photo (which I hadn’t – the actual photo I took is above this post. I thought it artistic because it was as if the traffic signal was giving the okay to go to Burger King, as often seems a good idea to a man when he’s consumed a few alcoholic beverages). I thought to myself: best case scenario he’s seen Taken and fancies himself as a bit of a Liam Neeson, worst case scenario he means what he says and “will find” me and “will kill” me. This  city is sometimes the subject of negative media reports, after all, so I decide to err on the side of caution and offered to show him the picture that I took so as to prove that I hadn’t captured his handsome face. I say handsome, however, not because he was actually a good looking chap (he wasn’t) but just in case he might have, in reality, “a unique set of special skills”, by which I mean access to bazookas and AK47’s, as apparently many gangs in Limerick do. Upon this offer, he stated, “I don’t need to see none of that shit, boy, but if I find out you took my photo I will find you and I will kill you.”

Thankfully, as you may have guessed from reading this post, I arrived home safe and sound.

The Galway COW, reporting live from Limerick.

 

Great Limerick Run 2016: “Waste of a Good Day’s Drinking,” says local.

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The Great Limerick Run today saw 14,000 people take to the streets to undertake the various races of which it is comprised. It includes a full marathon, a half marathon, and a six mile race.

Every runner has their own unique reason to run: some run to win, some run because of peer pressure, some run to raise money for charity, and some run to motivate themselves to shed a few pounds so as to become a slimmer, sexier version of themselves.

There is great support along the route and some spectators observe the goings on while swilling a few cans of cider. I encountered two such supporters along the route who were roaring, encouragingly, “C’mon lads, dig deep, dig deep.” Impressed by this obvious enthusiasm, I asked the men what they thought of the race, to which the swift reply was, “Waste of a good day’s drinking!” This was followed by much guffawing, as if the fellow believed himself to have made a very good joke.

Negative commentaries aside, it is clear that the participants in the race were having a good time with some participants minding their children and catching up with friends while going the distance. It just goes to show that there are in fact enough hours in the day if one is simply good at multitasking, which clearly many Limerick women are.

The full marathon was won by  40 year old Martin Doody from Caherdavin, Co Limerick. The first woman home was Dublin’s Ciara Hickey, with Peter Somba winning the 6 mile race.

It is clear, however, that most participants couldn’t give a fudge about the winners and were merely out to have a good time.

Galway COW news, reporting live from Limerick.

The Captain

56-DSC_6402 (1) “Row ye bastards! Row for your lives or we’re all done for,” he screamed in a wonderful rage that bordered on insanity. The boat was rocking violently and The Captain was sure he and his crew would find themselves as dinner for the fishes at any second. He only ever felt truly alive when death was a near certainty. He felt good, he felt like he could really enjoy the chaos and was glad he was The Captain and not one of the poor bastards rowing the boat, sweating, with every sinew in their bodies on the verge of snapping. There was a beauty in the prospect of imminent demise, as there was a beauty in the flashes of lightning that were cracking across the sky. The thunder roared and it excited him to his core. His eyes were wild and the driving rain soaked him to his bones. No woman could bring the excitement he was feeling right now. Thor was angry and The Captain was ready for any fury he could throw at him. Continue reading “The Captain”