Local Reiki Specialist Successfully Performs Breast Augmentations

reiki-hands“All women are entitled to big breasts,” says respected Reiki specialist, Zach Powers, and adds, “I believe God meant it to be that way.”

Mr Powers claims to have successfully performed dozens of successful augmentations on local women who are said to be “very pleased” with the results.

When asked how the technique works, he said, “It’s simply a matter of freeing up the blocked energy channels to the breast tissues so as they can assume their natural size and shape.”

Intrigued, we asked how it was that the energy channels were blocked in the first place, to which he replied, “I’m no expert in how the blockages come about, but if I were a scientific expert I’d wager that it was probably to do with all the stress of modern living, environmental toxins, and people’s inability to tolerate gluten,” he said, solemnly, while taking a gratifying bite out of his egg mayonnaise baguette. “Thankfully,” he said, “I don’t have any problems with bread. Sandwiches just wouldn’t be the same without it.”

When asked if he had performed any enlargements on men’s genitalia, he said, “Not yet. But I’m prepared to wave my hands over a man’s privates. I’ll try it, and we’ll see if anything comes up.”

Galway COW News, bringing you the only news that matters.

Advertisements

About The COW

I like stories!
This entry was posted in Galway, News, Satire and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s