Recently, I’ve been indulging my narcissistic tendencies and conducting an experiment to see if the world thinks I am as fascinating and interesting as I like to think I am.
Well, the results are in! I’m not!
I’ve compiled this little list so that YOU too can effortlessly annihilate your following and make yourself invisible in cyberspace.
1. Get drunk and spray your self-pitying bile on your page. I did this. I announced I wasn’t going to take any more marathon pics. Big mistake. I lost about 30 likes in a heartbeat.
2. Make it all about YOU. People, like me and you, are mostly preoccupied with ourselves and we all hope that the world will come to see us as the amazing people that only our mothers believed we could be. Big mistake! All these silly posts I’ve made recently have cost me a good few followers.
3. Post pictures of photos that will offend people. Okay, this is a tricky one. Posting photos of my flabby body or blistered feet didn’t seem to offend anybody (apart from me), but for some reason posting a photo of a beautiful topless blonde cost me around twenty page likes. You will just have to trial and error this one, cos people are weird.
4. Post a load of crap, that’s not crap to you, but which most people deem weird or uninteresting. I’ve been doing this with my posts on barefoot running and sleeping on the floor. While there are a small percentage of people that find such training practices laudable and beneficial, most just think they are a load of nonsense and would rather have their feet amputated than dare to be seen in public with no shoes.
Anyway, thanks for reading this far. I’m delighted that the occasional person is still able to read and finds my shite talk remotely as interesting as I do.
I love YOU for loving ME, cos let’s be honest – we both know I’m AWESOME!
I started doing this a couple of years back on account of suffering a neck injury as well as increased back pain in direct parallel to the increased amount of time I spent hunched in front of my computer like Quasi Modo.
Okay, I don’t sleep directly on the floor – I use a 1cm thick camping mat, but it’s pretty close, right? 🙂
At this point, sleeping in a bed feels very unnatural to me and anytime I do I actually sleep longer and feel a lot more groggy than if I’d slept on the floor.
I’ve done a little research online (as you do) and have compiled the following list based on what I’ve experienced as well as what I’ve discovered. The main discovery is that I feel much more alive on a day-to-day basis.
Initially, I found it rather uncomfortable to sleep on the floor and woke up a lot at night to move about. In spite of this I felt rather fresh in the morning, which I thought odd since I slept less. Gradually though, I accepted that moving about was a part of my nights sleep and since I felt better in the morning in spite of it I’ve come to the conclusion that moving around is a good thing. Why? Because I believe it encourages blood circulation to distribute evenly through your body. Think about it – if you lie on your right side all night, gravity is naturally going to ensure that blood sinks to the right side of your body, thereby meaning that your left side gets less blood.
Additionally, when you lie in various positions, your muscles get pressure applied to them – which doesn’t happen to the same extent in a bed. For instance, when lying on your back you can feel, quite distinctly, your butt cheeks flattening under the weight of your hips. So your muscles get pressure applied to them this way, and hey – correct me if I’m wrong – but isn’t part of that 100 bucks massage you get based on the idea that applying pressure to muscles increases circulation thereby aiding injury prevention? This being the case – by floor sleeping in the various positions you adopt at night – you’re effectively getting up to ten hours of massage (for free) while you’re dreaming some surreal fantasy about knights in shining armour or damsels in distress that are delighted to have met a shining-armour-clad man like you!! And my-oh-my, don’t you look good in that armour, eh? You do! You wear it well. Honest. 🙂
2. Bone density
Bone density is improved through weight bearing exercise. This is a widely accepted fact. In many ways, sleeping on the floor is a weight bearing exercise. Your skeleton is what supports you against the hard floor and this does not happen so much in a bed. Beds absorb the pressure that sleeping on the floor would transmit into your body thereby putting more stretch into your muscles and discouraging your bones from building and maintaining the strength that’s facilitated with the resistance of sleeping on a hard floor.
We’re always being bombarded with adverts and write ups in health + fitness magazines about bone density, reasons to join a gym and lift weights with the frequent citation that it helps maintain and strengthen our bones. But how much bone building and weight bearing will you really do in an hourly 3 times per week gym visit ? And would it be anywhere near as efficient as what you can quite literally achieve in your sleep over the course of your 6-10 hours in bed? Building bone while you sleep surely has to be the preferred option in a hectic, time starved lifestyle? Surely? If you don’t use it, you lose it, right?
It’s natural to assume a foetal position when lying in a nice comfy bed. But think about what happens when you do that! Essentially, in the foetal position, you’re closing up your rib cage. As your head moves forward towards your knees and you pull your knees up, your ribcage becomes more contracted and therefore your lungs are constricted which means it’s harder to breath well while you’re asleep.
I challenge you to try it now!! Lie flat on your back (with no pillows) on the floor and just breath. Notice anything? If you’re anything like me (as in human), you’ll notice that it’s a lot easier to breath. Now try lying in bed in the foetal position – it’s harder to breath, right?
4. Improved posture
I believe many people suffer needless pain and injury because of bad posture. During the first week that I slept on the floor I found it a bit of a stretch on my neck when I lay flat on my back. I don’t feel that stretch anymore because I’ve got used to it. I believe that initial stretch was due to bad postural habits that were created by my seated-in-front of the computer lifestyle which is commonplace and unavoidable and downright unnatural. So, I figure if one’s head is misaligned when you walk then one’s entire body is out of balance and joints have to support pressure in ways they were never supposed to, leading to injury. Aside from that, the Quasi Modo posture surely has to lead to the less efficient breathing as mentioned in the previous point.
But it’s not just with the neck. At first, my back felt peculiar. Think about it – it’s nice (and somehow easier) to slouch into a chair and so most of us do it. This rounds and stretches the back in ways which eventually lead to back injury. Sleeping in a spongy bed adds to this as it takes load off bones and if you take it off the bones then where does it go? I believe a lot of it actually gets diverted into the muscles which stretches and strains them in and unhealthy manner. The bed absorbs it, I hear you utter in dismay, but think about that for a moment. Better – think about it while you’re lying in bed and pay careful attention to the positional dynamic of your musculature. I think you’ll realise that my assertions are correct. Lying flat on one’s back on the floor stretches out the constriction acquired from bad postural habits used during the day. Now that I’m used to sleeping on the floor I find, when sitting, it’s feels much more of a natural inclination to sit up straight which I attribute to the corrective and strengthening nature of floor sleeping.
Interestingly, since sleeping on the floor, I find myself naturally inclined to adopt a head up, shoulders back, chest forward posture when I’m walking and running. I think, aside from opening your lungs more, feeling better and most probably looking better, that one also emanates more confidence. Not intentionally, you understand, but just because of the fact that you FEEL more confident and it’s only natural that if you feel it that you take on the appearance of it.
Did you know that approximately 15% of your pillow weight is made up of dead skin cells, dust mites and all sorts of bacteria. It’s gross to think about. Dust mites apparently can be rather problematic to people with asthma. But hey, who says you have to have asthma to be affected?
Without a bed you don’t really have to worry about having space for one. I use a 1cm thick camping pad and just roll it up and pop it in the cupboard when I get up, which is loads easier than having a big stupid bed that one has to make every morning.
Using no pillows when you lie on your side means you end up using your arms in their place. It leads to your curling your arm up by your head and ultimately giving those shoulders a little bit of a stretch. When I lie on my front, I’m inclined to lie with my arms by my side, palms pressed against the floor. Having suffered shoulder pain for several years I figured it was always going to be something that plagued me. However, miraculously maybe, my shoulder feels a lot better since I’ve been sleeping on the floor. I believe part of my shoulder problem was related to posture and that sleeping on my stomach in the position mentioned above has helped re-align my shoulder and thereby aided the healing process. I feel a bit annoyed that I wasted money on useless physio when this problem was so easily and cheaply fixable.
8. Injury prevention
By strengthening bones and encouraging better posture, I believe you’ve gone a long way towards preventing a whole host of life-related injuries. Stronger and better aligned bones has to go a long way towards this, right?
9. Save money
You don’t need to spend so much money on beds. Also, there’s a good chance you may avoid expensive physiotherapy, doctor’s visits and toxic medication that just masks symptoms and does nothing to cure them.
10. Better brain function
Who are some of the global leaders in technological innovation? That’s right – it’s the Japanese! And guess what – traditional Japanese beds are much harder than what us westerners are accustomed to. Causation does not equal correlation I hear you say. That’s true, but can you close your mind to the possibility that it does on this occasion? Can you? Maybe you can! And you’re entitled to do so. 🙂
11. Increased athletic performance
Better posture, more oxygen, less injuries, and a greater sense of well being is obviously going to lead to better athletic performance, right? It’s a no brainer I’d say. Agree?
12. You will never again need to worry about falling out of your bed
Actually, this could be an old Chinese proverb. It could be. I’m not sure, and if it’s not it should be but I’m claiming copyright if it’s not!!! Here goes:
He who sleeps on floor no need worry fall out of bed!! (Me, 2015 or some wise China man I’ve never heard of! If you are that wise China man – get your people to call my people and let’s do lunch!!!).